The Heavenly Killbilly

(sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies theme)

Come and listen to a story bout a feller named God,
A lonely cowpoke, mighty strong but kinda odd.
And then one day while in a some kinda mood
He created Him a earth and He said that it was good.
(perty that is, blue gold, right roundly)
Well the first thang you know He’s got a garden with a pair
O’ critters in the spittin’ image of Hisself, and also bare.
But a snake said, "Eat the apple and you’ll be so heavenlee",
So they both took a bite and made God so utterlee...
(mad that is, snortin’ fire, throwin’ thangs)
So He moved ‘em out the garden and he told ‘em to have kids,
And He thought, "Its good I fixed their private parts the way I did."
Soon His earth was full o’ people, but them folks was mighty bad
And it didn’t take too long before the Lord was good and mad.
(agin that is, plum steamed, hissy fit)
Well He gathered Him some clouds up and He made it come a rain,
But He spared the life o’ Noah so earth would be filled again.
Later gave ‘em 10 commandments so they couldn’t have no fun
And it didn’t take too long before they broke ever’ one.
(all ten that is, mad again, gettin’ old)
Well God needed something for to fix the humans’ woes
To Him that there was plain as the corns upon His toes.
He decided He would visit to the earth as one of them
So He saddled up his gumption, and He went to Bethlehem.
(Mary’s womb that is, perty cramped, dark in there)
Well the Lord grew up being just like one o’ them
But the local leaders didn’t take a hankerin’ to Him.
So they strung ‘im on a tree and then they buried Him fer dead
But a couple days later He was back or so they said.
(alive that is, still kickin’, not pale neither)
So the Lord went back to heaven and He set down on His throne
Told His angels, "I done done enough so now they’re on their own.
If they don’t believe my story, it’ll be just as well
Cause then I’ll get the pleasure of sendin’ ‘em to hell."
(gnashin’ teeth that is, heap o’ coals, barbecue)
So when it's time to say goodbye to earth and all yer kin,
If you believe the Jesus tale you go straight to heavin.
But if yer proud and don’t believe this fairy tale from me
You’ll get a heapin' helpin' of God’s "hospitality".
(Killbilly that is, set a everlastin’ spell, take your shoes off)
Ya'll get saved now, ya hear.

Dan M.
wood_shedder@hotmail.com

Tekministry@aol.com
Most recent update: 10/9/04